Jeff Kozzi

Chapter 3:  The Vigil

from the diaries of Veronika Scharo....

1 Krinn, 62179

My husband may die because of me.

I write now at his bedside, where I’ve been all night. He went on his daily flight, and he was more excited about it today, planning for a longer trip, not such a critically short one. The racer went down. No one knows why.

They almost didn’t get to him in time. I think none of the precious richmen wanted to send their kind of people, even their lowly servants, into the smelter siti where he crashed. He was there for hours, breathing the stink, dying, probably cursing the day he and I ever met.

Someone tried to kill him, because of me. They’ve never approved of us, and now they’ve tried to kill him for marrying me. I don’t know what to believe anymore. When Bolas’ father died, Bodine blamed "my" people. I know nothing about anything like that. "My" people are people like my father, not murderers and conspirators. Then Bodine and his family died in office, and they blamed my people. They blamed me, and accused me. They say I only married Bolas for his Goddamned money. They can have it. They can have this child inside me. They can have anything they want, as long as I get my husband back.

There’s not much left of him. His legs are gone, and so’s his left arm. He’s comatose, unresponsive to any treatment. I know of no plot "my" people have against Bolas. Everyone loves Bolas. Even the pompous asses who criticize him most smirk at the things he does and says. Everybody loves Bolas. He accepted me like he accepts everyone. Maybe all these accidents aren’t coincidental. There’s too much of a pattern for them to be. But I know nothing. I know no one who would hurt Bolas. His advisors would be trying to kill him more than my people. They hate me. They’ll hate our baby.

I look at him, unmoving, unresponsive, and I’m afraid. I don’t know what I did before I met this most wonderful man. I cannot live with myself if our marriage is responsible for his death, if my dedication to him, and his to me, killed him. I cannot live without him.

The doctors say there’s no hope. If there’s no hope for him, then there’s none for me.

Happy frigging First Day.

2 Krinn, 62179

The doctors said Bolas slipped further away during the night, that he lost his will to live. I don’t think that could happen, not to Bolas. He’s the most stubborn man I ever met. I’ve never met anyone who loved life more, either. I remember all the times I told him to calm down, and relax, and, like a child, to just sit still. I’ll never say those things to him again, I promise.

Mom and Dad came today. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seem them together, not since before Mard disappeared. Mom looked over the instruments and things around Bolas. The doctors held her in their usual richmen contempt, and wouldn’t even let her see Bolas’ records. She apologized for being "only a mere factory nurse." There’s nothing else she could do, so she wished me well and left me and Dad there.

But I thought if they said Bolas’s slipping away from his body, from me, and I can’t hold onto his mind like I can his hand, Tibia could. I miss Tjepr; she always treated me fairly for an alien queen or saam or whatever she calls herself. But Resoids are telepathic, and Tibia took well to Bolas during her reception on Pixe. But Dad wasn’t so sure. He’s suspicious of the circumstances. Bolas is an outstanding pilot. I asked him if he thought someone tried to kill Bolas as part of the stupid class issues. He said he didn’t know, but that if it was, surely the richmen killed him—tried to kill him—because of all his talk about popular elections. Dad didn’t want anyone to know what we’re doing.

Dad met Tibia at Kapital Landing. He dropped her off at the Tower and came back here with Devon. Of all people, of all Pixians, it had to be Devon to help guide Tibia’s telepathic probes to Bolas. If Tibia was older, she wouldn’t have needed anyone; she could have found Bolas on her own, even from the Tower, maybe without leaving Pixe. I’ve said enough about Devon in the past. This hideous alien royal tramp, with all her purple scales and jagged teeth, slept with Bolas before he and I met. At least Bolas never told me. I don’t believe in interracial things, and I look at this amphibian and I don’t know how Bolas even found a hole to put it in. She’s disgusting. What they did was disgusting. If I had known that before he and I married, I might have thought twice. I knew he was a philanderer, and pretty unselective as long as it felt good, but I didn’t know just how unselective, how shameless.

I don’t think Kollins can cry, but Devon looked honestly upset to see Bolas like this. Devon hugged me, and said she loved me, and would do everything she could do to keep Bolas alive. I feel bad about how I feel about her. When she hugged me and kissed my breasts, I hugged her back, and I clung to her almost as much as I’d clung to Mom and Dad when they came. I didn’t notice the slimy feel to her scaled body, or its residue on my robes, until after she left the room and I could smell her fishy sea odor on my clothes.

She stayed by Bolas, and stayed by me. When she left to go to the Tower to rehydrate herself, she told me she loved me. I can’t hate her. I’m jealous, and what she did with my husband disgusts me, but I can’t hate her. She’s like Cosha, too abrasive for polite company. At least with such teeth, I know Bolas would never have let her do things I do for him, but I’m still jealous, so insecure because I think the richmen would rather see Bolas with some creature like Devon than a "money-chewing bitch" like me.

After she left, I crawled into Bolas’ bed with him. Tibia assured me she was still there, carefully probing Bolas’ mind for clues to his condition. She warned me not to upset the tubes, like I’d just rip them out. I wish I could have held closer to him, but this baby making me so stomach-fat doesn’t let me nestle under Bolas’ arms.

3 Krinn, 62179

There’s been no change. The doctors said he’s still slipping away from us. I’m suspicious. They don’t know Tibia is with him, and says that his mind is calm and level, at peace. They changed his tubes. There’s color to it now. I asked Mom when she came in. Dad wasn’t here, so she stayed longer. She said she didn’t recognize what it was. Tibia said Bolas’ mind seemed clouded. I don’t know what I’m going to do. They’re trying to kill my husband, I know it. Because of me. They’ll take this baby from me, and kill me too, I’m sure of it. I’d like to take their tube needle and stab the baby, see if they like what they’re doing to my husband done to their heir. They’ll take my baby. They can have him. All I want is my husband.

Hessler was here. I told him to leave as soon as he started telling me how unfortunate it was that Bolas’ probably would never wake up, and never be whole. Hessler was mad. Enraged. He’d already had a fight with Devon, who insisted on seeing the records they wouldn’t show Mom. Hessler insisted it was not Devon’s place, because she wasn’t a medic. She was "only a sultry alien tramp who victimized Bolas" when he was younger. Hessler told Devon her presence was a courtesy. That’s when I stood up, almost not believing I was me and Devon was Devon. I told Hessler that Devon was my friend, and Bolas’ friend, and that my word as Godmother of Shelswun decided who could stay with my husband and who couldn’t. Then he went into his frigging apologies for Bolas’ death, and he’s not dead yet! He won’t die! I won’t let him!

4 Krinn, 62179

I’m a stupid bitch. I woke last night thinking about Coppi, dreaming about him. I’m such a stupid bitch. I was sleeping right against Bolas again, and I sensed someone in the room. The door slid shut as I looked over, but it was too dark and the light from the hall backlit everything. I thought of Coppi, and called him.

I didn’t think a flight from Simmel to Shelswun could be flown so fast. I didn’t even know he’d arrived until Tibia told my mind that Kortez would be entering Bolas’ mind. The next thing I knew, some doctors were here, changing the tubes, back to the same colorlessness they’d originally been. I asked what they were doing, and they said they were helping him. They put something else into him, a yellow liquid. I don’t know what it was.

Coppi took over the second he and Kortez and the other Simmellians walked into the room. Shelswunion doctors came with them, telling them they had no right to treat their patient. I stood tall, like I did for Devon with Hessler. I told them that I called the Simmellians, and they would treat Bolas, exclusively. I actually fired the doctors, these people with so much power over our lives. I’m ashamed, but I’m proud. I’ve never wielded the power of Godmother before. I don’t need the power, I only need my husband.

Coppi is an interworldly acclaimed doctor. They couldn’t not give him their records of what they’ve done for Bolas. But Coppi says he thinks what they gave him aren’t the real ones. The records say Bolas’ rejected all treatments, including clone growth for new limbs, but Coppi says they never even tried.

5 Krinn, 62179

Bolas woke up! He woke up! He woke up!

He’s going to live!

He only murmured. Kortez stayed in his mind, keeping him level. Cop spoke to him. He asked for me, asked if our baby was born yet. Coppi wants him to stay calm, and quiet, and not talk. He let me talk to Bolas. I whispered in his ear, some dirty things that I was going to do for him once he was recovered, and I told him who was here. Maybe I linked those things together because Devon was still there. But we didn’t tell him about his limbs. It scared me because he said his foot was itching, and he doesn’t have any feet. Kortez told my mind to pretend I was itching it for him, and Kortez made Bolas think everything was all right. Then Coppi spoke to him, very reassuring, and told him he was going to have Bolas sleep more, very deeply, so he would heal. Bolas didn’t argue for once.

He’s going to live!

6 Krinn, 62179

Bolas is going to live!

Coppi started taking samples from his arm. He’ll grow a new one, but he said it might be a little longer. I asked why, and he told me. He’s Bolas’ friend, and is protecting Bolas.

Bolas is going to live!

7 Krinn, 62179

Devon left today, as Dion arrived, somewhat upset by the argument between Devon and Hessler. I defended Devon. I couldn’t have pictured myself doing that in the past. Bolas’ situation has made me rethink some things. For the days she’s been here, Devon hasn’t done anything to Bolas, hasn’t so much as made innuendo. Tibia and Kortez were in Bolas’ room with me when Dion arrived and asked to speak to Devon alone. She came back in, barely containing an aura of anger, and wished Bolas a goodbye in his sleep. Then she turned to me, and took my hands in her webbed fingers.

"I must go. Dion thinks my disruptive presence might adversely effect Bolas’ recovery."

I told her that I thought she had been a comfort to Bolas. And I told her I knew she had been one to me. As it turns out, Dion told me that Hessler had complained, with those thoughts for Bolas’ recovery. I told Dion straight out that I thought Hessler was a liar who didn’t want Bolas to get well. But Dion is as good a diplomat as any Norin, perhaps better, because he could be more subtle. He declared it for the best, and Ada agreed. Therefore Devon must retreat.

I took my most prolonged absence from Bolas’ side to accompany Devon to Kapital Landing. I thanked Devon, very sincerely, and I reached out and hugged her. She told me she’d be there if I had further trouble with Hessler or the other richmen, and she hugged me back. I went back to our rooms and changed to get the sea smell off me again, then returned to Bolas’ bedside, grateful that Coppi had kept him asleep so that he would not know that I had gone.

8 Krinn, 62179

Haarl Kajer visited Bolas today. David Hessler and Gregor and Marlina came with him. I don’t trust any of them. Kajer made excuses for not coming sooner. I could smell alcohol on him. His visit had been more of a formality, a diplomatic action between Shalhoon and Shelswun. Another richman, this one a foreigner, bonds well with Hessler and his ilk. He’s said horrible things to me in the past, about my background, "Bolas found himself a sweet little tart. Hope you’re good enough in bed to make the losses you’ll bring him worth it."

I hate this man. The stale booze smells worse than Devon on her worst day. He hates me. And I hate him worse now. After Hessler and his richmen cronies left, Kajer stayed here a short while. Kortez was with us almost the whole time, but he needed to drain himself. Kortez was only gone a moment. Kajer touched my ass and told me how "delicious" it looked. I slapped him. I despise him, and I don’t know how Shalhoon tolerates this man as their king. He’s as obscene as anything I could imagine between Bolas and Devon. I wished Bolas had woken up, because he would have beat up this drunk old piece of Shalhoon shit, even with only one full arm.

Kajer laughed when I slapped him. He said, "No need to protect that chastity you pretend to have. I know. I’m sorry. Your husband lies right here. Forgive me, little girl, but your candy smells so sweet."

He shouldn’t have said that to me, not standing facing me like he was. I kneed him, just like Mard taught me to do to unwanted advancers.

He didn’t laugh at that.

9 Krinn, 62179

Coppi and Kortez see no future problems. They grafted the clone arm today. It’s smaller than his right arm, but they promise me it will grow, that everything in it will grow perfectly. He still doesn’t know that half his body was burned away. Kortez protects him from that right now. They will grow his legs back soon. That will be a surprise too. I talked to Coppi seriously, about how afraid I am that Bolas will want to get right back into another racer where the richmen will blow him up again. Coppi says he may have some ideas about how to protect Bolas, and let Bolas protect himself. The baby was kicking all day. I don’t want him born until Bolas is well enough to appreciate it. If this boy is at all his father’s son, he will be stubborn and will want to come out at his own time. I have news for him. Bolas isn’t his more stubborn parent.

10 Krinn, 62179

Cosha came today. I burst into tears when I saw him. He looked thinner than I’d remembered. I hugged him, and cried in his arms. I’d tried to reach him, every day, but someone like Cosha just disappears someplace where no one can ever find him. He cried, and told me he was sorry he didn’t get here sooner, but came as soon as he heard. He held Bolas’ hand and talked softly and sweetly to him. Bolas smiled. His eyes are still hazed over by the meds, but he recognized Cosha, and he smiled. Bolas is doing fine. I can already tell that the regrown arm is larger than it was yesterday. Bolas will be fine.

11 Krinn, 62179

Cosha insisted on dining with Dad and I tonight, of taking us out. Dad likes Cosha. He used to say that if Cosha was a normal man, he would have been an ideal husband for me. Cosha wanted to take us to one of Kapital’s better places, but Dad insisted he wouldn’t feel comfortable in one of those richmen places where a meal for three would cost more than his weekly rent. Frankly, I’d had enough of those places all the times Bolas and I had to dine with some snobbish richman. Cosha almost seemed relieved, and we went to this little shanty in the far side of Mayton. I haven’t laughed since before the crash. Cosha has that about him, as intense in play as he is when he’s so deadly serious. That conversation went both ways. Cosha said he was glad we changed our plans to go to Mayton because we could talk more freely there. When I dress down in the more common ways of an average Shelswunion rather than like the prissy Godmother of Goddamned Shelswun, I blend right in, especially with people like Cosha and my father.

We had ourselves a very interesting talk about everything that’s happened to Bolas. Cosha used some of his connections to dig up what he could. There’s more of a question about how long it took to rescue Bolas from the smelter siti, and what became of the racer. There didn’t seem to be much of an investigation into the crash. That worried Dad, and it worries me. I may not be safe now, and I won’t be after I give birth. I can only take heart that Bolas is safer than I am now, because the Simmellians never leave him. When Kortez must sleep, other Simmellians who Cop says are very strong telepaths watch over Bolas, and stay in his mind, keeping him calm and worry free and fostering his growth.

12 Krinn, 62179

Hessler found Cosha in Bolas’ room today. I was there, and could not believe my eyes. Dad was there too, with Tibia, and Cop and Kortez and two other Simmellians, and Dion and me. Rage spread across Hessler’s face. He strode right for Cosha, who, despite his shortness, held his ground against Hessler’s height and bulk.

"I heard you were on Shelswun," the sanctimonious snobbish piece of shit said. "You’re a wanted man."

Cosha rubbed his crotch. "Ever’body wants me."

"I want you to leave," Hessler said.

"Ain’t happening," Cosha said.

"Leave on your own, or this little scene you’re causing will become ugly."

"As ugly as you?" Cosha asked him. "I don’t think that’s possible, lardass."

Hessler reddened in madness. He left the room.

Tibia and one of the Simmellians—Yunch, I think—both started talking. They told us Hessler was calling Sekuritis. Cosha bent forward and kissed Bolas, who was sleeping, right on the lips. "I ain’t leaving the boyo here."

My father told Cosha not to be so stubborn and stupid. Cosha told him he had too much in common with his friends, meaning me and Bolas. He stroked Bolas’ healthy right hand.

But Hessler came back quickly, with six guards. The Simmellian told us as they entered the hall, but then became slightly more panicked. The Sekuritis had shoot to kill orders. Yunch couldn’t be sure if they had come from Hessler, or standing orders on Cosha’s warrants. Not for the first time, I wondered what Cosha had gotten himself in to. As much as I love Cosha, I had to admit that he could blight Bolas’ reputation. No one, not even the people who loved him, wanted to hear about how their worldly governor hung around with wanted felons.

Dad swaggered towards the door. I told him to stop. The Simmellians circled around. Someone else told Cosha to get away. Cosha agreed because he was afraid that the guards might not be really looking to kill him. I shuddered at the thought. The baby kicked right after he said that.

When the guards entered, Dad threw himself into them and screamed for Cosha to get the hell out. Dion flung across the room, his tail flailing after him. He landed in the Sekuritis, but he didn’t have to. The Simmellians stared at the Sekuritis. Some of their fellows appeared behind Hessler and the Sekuritis. Then all the Sekuritis and Hessler too spasmed and dropped their lasertrons.

Then Tibia wrapped her six limbs around Cosha. Coppi opened the window, and Tibia carried Cosha out, into Kapital’s sky.

Bolas woke up. He tried to lean forward. He asked what was going on, and said that he couldn’t feel his legs. I broke out into tears. He couldn’t know. It would dishearten him. Bolas is not the type of man who can be helpless. He’s too independent, too stubborn.

Cop went to Bolas, and told him to lean back. Kortez returned directly to Bolas’ eyes. They made him sleep and Kortez said, "Forget. We will tell you all, when you can walk and fly."

While Kortez eased Bolas’ mind, Cop and Dion and the other Simmellians told dad and Dion to break away from the paralyzed Sekuritis. I’d always heard horrible things the Simmellians could be capable of within the minds and bodies of other races, but I never caught a hint of why those ancient stories and rumors existed until today. They told Dad and Dion to relax away from the Sekuritis. Then they stunned our minds, just lightly, enough for the rest of us to seem to be recovering the same as Hessler and the Sekuritis.

As they recovered, the Simmellians also acted stunned, and blamed Cosha, who was, of course, gone. Hessler didn’t remember Tibia. Maybe Kortez and Yunch took care of that, too.

This incident got me thinking though. The threat had not been to Cosha alone. They might have missed him in their shots, and Bolas and I could be dead. They don’t need us. My baby is overdue, and could be born, even if I had just died. Rodjer is the only living heir to Shelswun’s throne. Once he’s born, Hessler and his richmen don’t need me, and they don’t need my "uncontrollable" husband.

I can think of only one way to maintain my safety, and my husband’s safety. Bolas might never forgive me, but if I was cast out, he would remain safe, and that is what is important to me, because I love this man more than I love my own life, more than I could ever love any child by him.

I’m going to talk to Coppi tomorrow. And I’m going to ask him to remove my baby.